Saying Goodbye

I've just had the heartbreaking news that one of my cats is dying of kidney failure. We don't know how long he has got but one day his little kidneys will just pack it in. I am not taking the news very well- I treat both my cats like my babies. They live indoors, sleep on the bed with us and we live as one little family. I have been a wreck for the past two days waiting for the news. We got the results yesterday at lunch ( I had tried to prepare myself for the worst) but is still shocked me to the core. After having a big talk and cry with the boy I thought I had it out of my system but a funny thing happened at exactly midnight. My other cat who is not so affectionate, work me up softly pawing my stomach and crying. I think she knows something is wrong and it was her little was of comforting me. This got me thinking of what our lives will be like when our other cat is gone, I will miss him so much but these things keep playing on my mind

• I will never have our special little head rub/smudge
• or our crazy dancing cheek to cheek to loud music
• He will no longer sleep- snuggled in my belly purring and crackling
• No more cuddles on the couch under the blankets
• No more crying in protest to be let out in the courtyard when I am lazing in the sun
• No more crazy 15 minutes of expelling pent up energy with his human talk
• No more lazing on the cat hammock having he belly scratched from underneath
• No more bitch slapping with his sister in the spa
• No more new collars every few months
• No more praying to the fire god
• No more struggles to get him in his cat cage for our trips to Goulburn
• No more sound of the treat ball rocking back and forth in the middle of the night, working hard for the yummy treats inside
• No more snuggling in the little cat belly with that beautiful furry smell
• No more sound of your claws clicking on the carpet
• No more peering face from behind the front door
• No more sliding paws down the door while I am in the bathroom
• No more chaseys with your sister around the house
• No more clawing up the curtains in the bedroom
• No more sitting atop the tv in the bedroom waiting for us to wake in the morning
• Just no more

I also think about how his sister will cope when he is gone- I can't fathom showing her his little dead body so she understands, or vacuuming up the last trace of his fur.

I know I should be celebrating his five special and wonderful years with us but all I can think about it everything I am about to loose.